come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
