I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
