your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
