Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
