a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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