Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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