i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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