ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize