Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
