You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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