I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
