This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize