I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
