I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
