Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
