i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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