Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
