dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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