idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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