and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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