A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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