yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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