Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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