here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
