OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
