My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
