What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
