I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Randomize
