you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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