K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
