I hate all girls vehemently.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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