We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
