if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
