We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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