as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize