new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
MIDGETS
????
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
