I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
