woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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