I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
