God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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