i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I cut my penus on the lid.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
