just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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