New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
