We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
