Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
