Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
