Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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