He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
