That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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