I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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