I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
