He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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