I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I need a beard to bite.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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