do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize