coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
