I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
