i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
