Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
