He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
