So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize