I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize