Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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