I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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