Your tits are I can't wait for
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
