just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
