babies were throwing up all over the place
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
