Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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