Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
