You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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