So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
