We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
