the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
