Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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