its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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