Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
