a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
