Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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