yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
