OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
