nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
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